I'm very well, thank you

There is simply nothing the matter with me,
I'm as rudely healthy as I can be,
I've got arthritis in both my knees
And when I talk I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak and my blood is thin,
But................. I'm awfully well for the shape that I'm in.

Sleep is denied me, night after night,
But every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

Old age is golden I've oft heard it said,
But sometimes I think as I get into bed,
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
My eyes on a table untill I get up,
Ere sleep overtakes me I say to myself,
"Is there anything else I could lay on the shelf?"

The moral is this as my tale I unfold
That for you and for me who are now getting old
It's better to say  "I'm fine"  with a grin
Than to let the folks know the shape we're in.

A man is not old when his hair goes grey,
A man is not old when his teeth decay,
He is ready for his long, long sleep
When his mind makes appointments which his body can't keep.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
And pick up the paper and read the 'obits'
If my name is still missing I know I'm not dead,
So I finish my breakfast and go back to bed.